Belligerent Bunny Blog
 

 

...simply the strangest blog that exists.
Compound X
 
 
 

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Wednesday, November 27, 2002
 

It's all about the D's, baby.



Prominent mentions from DavidMSC and Dean Esmay: woohoo! You guys are already in my blogroll (DW and DSMAC), but you guys deserve to have the full firehose that is triple-B unleashed on your web logs.

This post's going to linger for a bit: I have to go be the mistress of bunnies at some convivial celebration. You know the drill: lots of people sticking their hands in my face (what is it with hands, you people? I can smell you already.), and lots of petting and treats (nachos and beer, mmmm). Overwhelmed with affection, I'll have scant time to post here. Everybody go visit those guys, and tell them how you got there.

Here is for what I am thankful:


  • the Arsenal of Democracy, for keeping the bad guys at bay,

  • Hollywood, for spreading the word,

  • Disney, for propagating the propaganda,

  • England and Europe for giving us the best head start,

  • Canada and Mexico, for being impeccable neighbors,

  • Lockheed, Boeing and the rest of the Military Industrial Complex, for selling us the right tools,

  • Shaft, Flint and Bond, for being such bad motha-(shut yo' mouth),

  • House Bunny Society, for saving my life,

  • Dogs, for being so well behaved (except for one),

  • Capitalism, for making people wealthy enough to keep bunnies as pets (and not meat),

  • Isaac Hayes, for everything,

  • the Anglosphere for being awesome chaps,

  • America, the last, best hope for mankind, and

  • You people for reading my site and flattering me.



You guys are the greatest. Without you, we pet bunnies would get slaughtered in the wild, or end up on someone's plate or fur hat. Because of you guys, I have years ahead. Thank you, thank you thank you.

I leave you with a portrait of bunny love:



We love you. We really love you. Have a great Thanksgiving!
 

Arsenal of Democracy



Today, we’re continuing our coverage of the Airborne Laser because it’s so darn funny and demands a sequel.

The ABL we’re presently testing is intended to shoot down ballistic missiles and other aerial targets. But just like when they took the radar off the top of an AWACS and stuck it underneath to make JSTARS, the ABL will surely have a ground-oriented follow on aircraft.


Try to imagine twenty years from now, when we have somewhere between 50 and 100 of these planes assigned to air-to-ground. I think we can make two safe predictions:

1. Anything we can see we can burn, and
2. Our enemies will look very foolish in their tin-foil laser-shields.



From Desert Storm, the world learned you cannot fight Americans out in the desert with large armored forces. With this weapon, the world will learn that you cannot fight Americans outside.

The Airborne Laser is a weapon even the Department of State could love. In the future, dictators will be allergic to things like windows and sunshine, all an American diplomat will need to intimidate the other side is nod to our translator to draw the drapes.



Translation: we can cook your goose whenever we please




With dictators hiding indoors and underground, they’re sure to get really pale and vampiry-looking. This will suit us because it will invalidate the hoary old charge that “you Americans seek to dominate those darker than yourselves.” We should go even further and tan ourselves Hamilton-style. The only way the evil-doers could compete in our tanning challenge would be to buy bottle-tanner, but that looks so obvious and splotchy. We could print up some target-recognition cards, to cut down on the suicide bombings



If anyone tries to mess around with us we could give them two choices:
  • become American, or
  • become KFC extra-crispy.


Ah, the future. It will be so bright…and warm.
 

Another Elian



Look who the Coast guard picked up:

Three years to the day after Elian Gonzalez was found clinging to an inner tube off the coast of Florida, the Coast Guard found a 13-year-old Cuban boy hiding on a boat Monday, raising thorny legal issues reminiscent of the Gonzalez case.


I'm with Myles Kantor: Cuba is the last slave-holding plantation in the Western hemisphere.

Please don't tell me we're going to invite Castro up here so our President can lugubriously kiss his ring while an armed posse storms a residence to send the slaves back down South. The last time that happened, I retched [ed note: bunnies do not have a gag reflex]. Okay I exaggerate, but you know what I mean.

While the five adults, including a man believed to be the boy's father, fled and made it ashore, the boy did not make it off the ship. The distinction is important because of the "wet foot/dry foot" policy, which gives automatic refugee status to Cubans who manage to make landfall in the United States.


Because our current President is Republican (the original anti-slavery party), and wouldn't be President but for the support of free Cubans in Florida, I expect he'll do the right thing. What is this "wet foot/dry foot" nonsense? Sounds like pre-bellum New York slave codes. Not something worth repeating.

Tuesday, November 26, 2002
 

Playboy



Some of you wonderful folks aren't content with bunny photo shoots. You want playboy style layouts. I got your centerfolds here:



Work it, bunny, work it. Love the camera...
 

1,000 Joules of Light



Without a doubt, one of the funniest weapons in the Arsenal of Democracy is the Airborne Laser


(Click for bigger picture in new window)

It reminds me of Project Crossbow, the MacGuffin in a funny little film from way back. Either you get the reference or you don't. Oh, the look on the waiter's face when he turns back and sees the smoking chair! And like he says on this web blog: it goes from God to Jerry to Kent to Me to You.

No more clues: I am interested to see who remembers.

Oh, and: "stop touching yourself!"

UPDATE:

If you're stumped, you can find it at Val Kilmer Online. This shrine even has a chat room. No doubt we'll run into each other there.
 

I see Nothinck!



I've seen my share of ZDF and it can get whacky. But never like this:

Germany's first home-grown satirical film on the Nazis left critics turning thumbs down and attracted a relatively small audience.

"Goebbels and Geduldig," shown on national television in prime time last week, is a comedy of errors built on the idea that Joseph Goebbels had a Jewish double, Harry Geduldig.


Hogan!

But the 90-minute film stops short of biting satire or grotesque comedy -- something that Ulrich Muehe, who plays both Goebbels and Geduldig, attributed to lingering "inhibitions" in how Germans approach the topic. He acknowledged the film is "not the bravest."


Look, Herr Muehe, if you wanted biting satire, grotesque comedy and Nazi-clobbering, you should have called Americans in the first place.

Monday, November 25, 2002
 

Hand Fed




(via HBS)

You humans are so amazing! I love you all!
 

Bunny Pic



Judging from the hate mail inspired by my last bunny pic, you folks don't think I ride the Washington DC Metro subway. Fine, I'll admit bunnies (and other pets, save seeing-eye dogs) are not allowed to take the WMATA plunge. As if public ordinances pose a bar to my territorial ambitions. I'm a devil-may-care bunny who isn't afraid to ride the subsidized rails.



My Metrocard.

Watch your step, you beer-fueled super-ape predators. This bunny can smell an Achilles tendon at ten paces!
 

Improved TALD



One of the funnier missiles in the Arsenal of Democracy is the Improved Tactical Air-Launched Decoy (ADM-141C). It doesn't carry any bombs, just chaff and flares. What is does best is freak the enemy air defenses out.


(via DUSMRM)

On the first night of Desert Storm, the first Navy Hornets into Iraq launched lots of TALDs. The little drones looked like full-sized planes to radar, and their chaff rendered the bad guys blind. While the Iraqis were illuminating the drones with their radars, the next flight arrived bearing braces of HARMs.

"Ha!" you say, "the Iraqis won't fall for that trick twice!" Oh yes they will. This time around, we're bring the Improved TALD. These ones aren't dumb gliders, they're jet-powered, and you can program heading and altitude changes to make them seem lifelike.

Since these drones are the opposite of stealthy, they're pretty easy to shoot down. So what: crunch all you want...we'll make more! Besides, nothing's more embarrassing to an AAA big game hunter than to stalk a blip only to find out you were only squirrel-fishing.


(Via Yaz's Squirrel-fishing Homepage)

Got one! Good for you. But you left the radar on too long, and here comes a HARM...


(via Global Security)

I love the smell of comeuppance in the morning.
 

Feel the Power of E!




Elvis impersonators can continue swiveling their hips and quivering their lips, after Graceland reversed its earlier decision to sever its support of festivals featuring clones of the King.


Pity the poor Elvis impersonators, and the long years they toiled in the wilderness without official recognition. At last they have the recognition and respectability that is their due.

Sunday, November 24, 2002
 

Metro




(HBS)

This is what rush hour on the DC subway Metro feels like.

btw., Super Seventies weekend is officially over. Pass the penicillin, I feel dirty.
 

Best of the Seventies



The best thing to come out of the Seventies was the M1 Abrams Main Battle Tank. Call it a subjective choice, but the M1 is the best in the world and there really aren't any threats on the horizon.


(Global Security)

Peace-weenies used to mock the M1. They'd say:


  • the gears couldn't handle desert sand,

  • the electronics couldn't withstand the jostling of maneuver,

  • the engine couldn't handle the sand (natch) and consumed too much fuel,

  • the crews couldn't handle the heat of the desert

  • the sensors would be eroded by sand (that pesky sand again!), and

  • the whole thing was a waste of tax money (as if welfare contributes to national defense).



So when we shipped about 2,000 of them to Saudi Arabia, all their fears were vindicated, right?

Actually, no:

During the Gulf War only 18 Abrams tanks were taken out of service due to battle damage: nine were permanent losses, and another nine suffered repairable damage, mostly from mines. Not a single Abrams crewman was lost in the conflict. There were few reports of mechanical failure. US armor commanders maintained an unprecedented 90% operational readiness for their Abrams Main Battle Tanks. (FAS)


Less than twenty out of about 2,000 were hit badly enough to stop fighting. That means the M1 had a 99% combat survivability rating. And no fatalities! A seat in an M1 was like a guaranteed ticket home.

There are some astounding M1 stories in print and (finally) on-line. Listen to this:

[An] amazing M1 story happened during the 24th Mechanized Infantry Division’s run to the Euphrates River. It was raining heavily, and one M1 managed to get stuck in a mud hole and could not be extracted. With the rest of their unit moving on, the crew of the stuck tank waited for recovery vehicles to pull them out.

Suddenly, as they were waiting, three Iraqi T-72 tanks came over a hill and charged the mud-bogged tank. One T-72 fired a High-Explosive Anti Tank (HEAT) round that hit the frontal turret armor of the M1, but did no damage. At this point, the crew of the M1, though still stuck, fired a 120mm SABOT round at the attacking tank. The round penetrated the T-72’s turret, blowing it off into the air. By this time, the second T-72 also fired a HEAT round at the M1. That also hit the front of the turret, and did no damage. The M1 immediately destroyed this T-72 with another SABOT round. After that, the third and now last T-72 fired a 125mm Armor-Piercing round at the M1 from a range of 400 meters. This only grooved the front armor plate. At that point, realizing that continued action did not have much of a future, the crew of the last T-72 decided to run for cover. Spying a nearby sand berm, the Iraqis darted behind it, thinking they would be safe there. Back in the M1, the crew saw through their Thermal Imaging Sight (TIS) the hot plume of the T-72’s engine exhaust spewing up from behind the berm. Aiming carefully through their TIS, the M1’s crew fired a third 120mm SABOT round through the berm, into the tank, destroying it.

Help in the form of another M-1 equipped unit arrived shortly afterwards, and with their M88 tank-recovery vehicles began trying to extract the M1 from the mud hole. But the Abrams was really and truly stuck. Ordered to abandon the M1 Abrams, the other M1s began firing their own 120mm guns in an attempt to destroy it. When the first two SABOT rounds failed to penetrate, a third round finally penetrated the turret’s outer skin, causing the stored ammunition to detonate. But rather than destroying the M1, the blast was vented upwards through a blowout panel, and the onboard fire suppression system snuffed out the fire before it could do any damage to the electronics systems in the crew compartment.

When finally pulled from the mud, the M1 was found to be still operational, with only the sights out of alignment from the blast of the ammunition cooking off. After its damaged turret was replaced, the tank was returned to action. (WGCS)


The M1 is nearly indestructible. Even we can't knock it out. Clearly the M1 is money well spent. Plus M1 tank crews have a wry sense of humor:

On one occasion, an M1 fired its 120mm gun at an Iraqi T-72 (Soviet built) tank. The 120mm Armor-Piercing (SABOT/uranium-depleted steel dart) round went right through the T-72 and into another one directly behind it, destroying both tanks. (WGCS)


Oh you guys: saving the tax dollar through ammunition conservation. You crack me up!
 

Hitting Bedrock



The nadir of the decade. The most memorable moment of Carter's presidency. The event that triggered our long national emesis:


The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978).

Funny that we haven't seen an enhanced release from Lucasfilm. Fortunately the folks at Stomp Tokyo found a copy and published an extensive review.

And for a second opinion, read the review at Oh the Humanity!

And like they say, it's official Star Wars and must be included in the canon.
 

Nearing the bottom of the Seventies




(via Battlestar Pegasus.com)

With trembling awe, I present the best (best, mind you) of Battlestar Galactica fan fiction.

You people owe me big time, now...

UPDATE:
Try starting with Survive the Alliance:

Survive The Alliance by Sharon Monroe and J.D. Rich

"V" and "Battlestar Galactica" with appearances from "A-Team," "Airwolf," "Knight Rider," and others. The Galactica finally discovers Earth, but the Visitors have gotten there first. Apollo is shot down and becomes Diana's converted pet. Starbuck is captured by Phillip's faction, and must become an ambassador of peace, if he can trust the invaders. The Resistance fights to free their potential new allies, but then the new Visitor Leader arrives. Prepare for the battle royale...


In case you're interested, I'll bet the film rights have yet to be sold.
 

Erik



The Seventies just wouldn't be the Seventies without Erik Estrada.



Ahh, the motorcycle, the sunglasses...the teeth full of bugs after a long ride. And who can forget his memorable cinematic turn as Lieutenant 'Chilli-Bean' Ramos in Midway (1976)?

Let's go visit a shrine.

And don't forget his dark secret: the lost Erik Estrada fetish film.

 

The Mother of All Seventies TV Shows




(Buck Rogers.com)

By the end of the Seventies, the hangover was clearly setting in. That would account for the astonishing train-wreck of a show we fondly remember as "Buck."



(Oh, one more shrine, this time devoted to the man himself, Gil Gerard.)

Finally, a question for the gentlemen (ok, ladies too): Wilma Deering or Princess Ardala?

 

 
   
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