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Saturday, November 23, 2002
 

Competition?




Is there another bunny writing a web log?

(via HBS)
 

Arsenal of Democracy, Seventies-Style



Since we've set the wayback machine to the Super Seventies this weekend, let's have a look at what our beloved Army used for forward air defense.

Actually, not much. They did have a man-portable missile called REDEYE, but it could only attack airplanes from the rear (not so good when the plane is coming towards you). The mighty USAF had a plucky little missile called Sidewinder. It wasn't exactly man-portable (okay, two-man portable, but they couldn't throw it very far), but if you put it on a truck you could shoot at distant targets. And because the Army had to be all different, they called their Sidewinders Chaparrals.



The Chaparral provides mobile short-range air defense to defeat low-altitude aircraft. The system is designed to be mobile, self-contained and air transportable. A mobile light air defense system with a turret mounted on a tracked vehicle carrying four ready-to-fire missiles, the Chaparral is a ground launched version of the air-to-air Sidewinder. Chaparral consists of an infrared heat seeking missile, a launcher with a Forward Looking Infrared (FLIR) sight, and a tracked vehicle. Chaparral was the Army's standard, short range, low altitude air defense system which provided point defense of vital corps areas against direct air attack. (Globalsecurity.org)


Chaparral was better than nothing, but it had its drawbacks, chiefly in the motor. Because it was based on the Sidewinder, the missile was designed to be launched from an airplane while already traveling at high speed (400-500 mph). Trucks don't go nearly that fast, so asking this tiny missile to get up to speed, overtake and hit enemy aircraft was asking a bit much. I suppose our beloved Army was hoping that slow and steady would win the race.

A JAG officer I know once litigated the Chaparral over its Rosette Scan Seeker (think Spirograph). He described a videotape in which the Chaparral took on a distant drone helicopter. It went on something like this:

FADE IN: EXT. MISSILE RANGE, DAYTIME

POV OBSERVER

The CHAPARRAL fires a MISSILE downrange in a FLASH OF LIGHT, SMOKE and NOISE.
POV: Pans to follow the missile's EXHAUST FLARE

OBSERVER: C'mon keep it up.

TEN SECONDS PASS

OBSERVER: Keep going, c'mon stay up there.

TWENTY SECONDS PASS

OBSERVER: You piece of (STUFF), stay in the (GOSHDARNED) air!

THIRTY SECONDS PASS

OBSERVER: You miserable piece of (SILLYNESS), hurry up!

(in the distance a gray puff blossoms, followed by a MUFFLED EXPLOSION)

OBSERVER: Awright! That's a kill.


Okay, so it was lame. It was better than nothing. You'll be pleased to know that we retired Chaparral, and sold the inventory to our 'allies'. They deserve nothing better.
 

Seventies TV



Just drink in the nostalgia:


















(Pics via Seventies Television Posters)
 

It's Official: Everybody Loves Shaft





The Shaft midi is here (right-click)

My favorite Shaft scene is at the end of "Shaft's Big Score!" where he manages to out-run a helicopter. Just imagine how fast he could have been if he hadn't already taken a bullet to the leg!

The man even beat breast cancer. Is there nothing Shaft can't do?

If you google around for all things shaft-wise, you're sure to come across this gem of a site with some photoshop fan fiction (oh, if only!): Shaftanic.

Shaft could have saved the day. He'd have said to the ship "What are you trying to lay on me, huh? up yours, baby."

Everybody would have been happy, especially Kate. She'd be all "I love you," and he'd say "Yeah, I know...take it easy."

Ah, Shaft and the sweet, sweet super seventies. Looking back, it's obvious why the Soviets never really had a chance.
 

Super Seventies-style Toys



Who still has theirs?



No problem, you can get a new one.



My name is American Pop Culture, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!

 

Fads



Oh man, is this super seventies fad going to come back in a big way:

(s70)

String Art, you believe it! (right click)

What, you're saying no way baby? Well look baby, get off my back.

Right now I got to take care of some business. Where am I going?

(Shaft Sounds)
 

Speech



Here at triple-B, Super Seventies Weekend can take a break as we read through a recent speech by US Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz:


(FrontPage Mag)

I want to talk about the war on terrorism, which is very serious business. Contrary to some of the things we’ve heard on the news in recent hours the war on terrorism is not just about one individual, or even one terrorist network, or even just one terrorist State.


It's a fine speech. Worth reading in entirety (after you finish here, of course). What stuck out in my mind was the following excerpt:

I will admit that in DOD our main job is focusing on finding and killing terrorists. But at the same time that we do that we have a positive role, for example, in Afghanistan in building that better future. And if it comes to it in Iraq we’ll have a role in building something more positive there, as well.


Good for you! Just don't give up your day job.

 

Everything



...you always wanted to know about the super seventies.

(Update: Just two pages in, and I have a strange compulsion to google up a Lou Ferrigno shrine (pop-ups).)

The Seventies... UFO's, ESP, Star Wars (link not available).

Let's not forget the Cold War. The Commies might have been deploying the SS-18 Satan, but by God we unleashed Shields and Yarnell!
 

What's on Shaft's Powerbook?





You're damn right.

(Pic via )
 

Funkylicious!



George W. can cut a mean rug! Er, lighted floor.

(Shamelessly stolen from Ole Miss Conservative)
 

Not a Word



It's been a week, and not one web log writer I read has reported back from the Old School Super Seventies Soul Cruise. At least one of you must have attended.

I declare 11/23 - 11/24 Super Seventies Weekend on this web log. So don't jive me, just stay loose, baby. Right on! (er, right-click and save)
(Shaft Sounds)

America: by far you are the funkiest, most freedom-lovin' bunch of motha-(shut your mouth!) But I'm talking about America (then we can dig it).

Friday, November 22, 2002
 

Today in History



2002: Die Another Day Opens in the US
1963: President JFK assasinated



Hollywood can be so subtle.
(JFKRO, Klast)
 

New Ships



The Navy and the Marine Corps are both developing plans and specifications for new classes of amphibious warfare and sealift vessels. The missions are a bit similar, but the resulting designs reveal a great deal about the differences between the branches of armed service.

The Marines are working on Project Seabase to replace the Gator Navy's present amphibious carrier fleet.

The Maritime Prepositioning Force (Future) will be the true enabler of entirely seabased operations. As this force becomes operational, its role will expand beyond providing the equipment to prepare a fly-in force for combat. MPF(F) will serve four functions not provided by the current MPF: (1) at-sea arrival and assembly of units, (2) direct support of the assault echelon of the ATF, (3) indefinite seabased sustainment of the landing force, and (4) at-sea reconstitution and redeployment of the force.

Operational Maneuver from the Sea (OMFTS) is the Marine Corps' new warfare doctrine expected to be in place by 2010. The idea is that all logistics support will come from the sea, rather than from a large, land-based supply point (as in traditional combat service support). This means that the several support ships comprising the sea base will have to operate as "floating warehouses," a task for which they are not configured.
(from Globalsecurity.org)


Go ahead and reread the second paragraph. No on-shore logistical footprint! That's audacious, and if it works, it would be like wearing rubber gloves to the scene of the crime!
OMFTS: Drop in, pop the target and sail off into the sunset.

(from Globalsecurity.org)

In the future, with a straight face we could say "you sure it was us? I don't remember being anywhere near that presidential palace. Call us back if you can find any proof." Excellent. Let's buy a couple dozen and let the world guess where they are at any given time.

Meanwhile the Navy needs a new sealift/command ship. They're calling it Project America (why not 'Project I Love America,' it's even more schmaltzy?)

In the wake of the events of 11 September 2001, the conferees on the FY2002 Defense Appropriations Bill expressed concern that future deployments of United States forces may expose personnel to the risk of terrorist attach similar to the bombing of Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia and the Marine barracks in Beirut. Instead of building vulnerable fixed barracks for United States forces deployed in highly dangerous locations, the conferees believed the Navy should give the highest consideration to acquiring mobile, deployable assets, which could provide additional ``in situ'' hospital, housing, MWR, or command and control capability. (from Globalsecurity.org)


Since these ships are essentially floating barracks, why not see what's already on the market, right?

The US-Flag Cruise Ship Pilot Project was enacted in October 1997, as Section 8109 of Public Law 105-56, the Department of Defense Appropriations Act for Fiscal Year 1998. The Cruise Ship Pilot Project Statute, sponsored by United States Senator Daniel K. Inouye (D-Hawaii). (from Globalsecurity.org)




Before you roll your eyes, consider the following advantages of this approach:


  • Due to cruise line bankruptcies, there is a surplus of available hulls,

  • Spare parts are easily available on the open market,

  • These ships tend to have modern comm suites,

  • They tend to have above-average medical facilities,

  • Galley and laundry are adequate, given the passengers' needs,

  • They already come with their own tenders/lighters,

  • Crew comfort is an important factor during long-deployments,

  • Built-in USO facilities,

  • The Promenade deck has a full-length deck for PT,

  • Rangers can use the funnel's rock-wall for abseil training,

  • Pools can be converted for riverine/coastal training simulators,

  • With clay pigeons, the poop-deck makes an excellent gunnery range,

  • Accommodations afford individual access to internet/cable,

  • Theaters come pre-stocked with recent feature films,

  • Their discos have lighted floors and shiny mirrored balls,

  • Cruise directors increase the pulchritude factor, and

  • All-you-can-eat shrimp bar at 2100.



What's not to like? So cry havoc and let slip the cruise ships of war. We're expecting you!

(via TLBUHP)

USS Love Boat FPO AP 96690-8421
 

Riots



Apparently, some people will use any excuse they can to go on a killing spree:

Dozens have been killed in northern Nigeria in rioting that erupted after a newspaper suggested the Prophet Mohammad would have approved of the Miss World beauty contest.


That's why they stopped hosting the pageant in America, right? The carnage got too heavy after a while.

The death toll was more than 100 with more than 500 taken to hospital, aid workers said on Friday.

Mobs in the mainly-Muslim city of Kaduna burned Christian churches and rampaged through the streets until hundreds of soldiers arrived to restore order and enforce a 24-hour curfew.


We could use H.G. Wells and his gas of peace right about now.
 

Not Helpful



A Kuwaiti cop just shot two US soldiers in the face and fled to Saudi Arabia.

The soldiers, who were shot in the face and in the shoulder, are in serious but stable condition.

The soldiers -- who were wearing civilian clothing -- did not return fire. After the two soldiers were shot, the attacker returned home, got some money, and fled across the border to Saudi Arabia, Pentagon sources told CNN. Kuwaiti and Saudi officials are working to bring the man back to Kuwait.

Sources told CNN it's still unclear whether the incident was an individual act or linked to terrorism.


(CNN)

Unclear? Does anyone think the policeman used justified force (anyone, that is, without a Koran shoved down his pants)?


Until recently, I used to think that the world was on track. Under the leadership of the first universal nation, we'd all learn to share, be nice and play well with others. Now that notion seems hopelessly naive.

Kuwait wouldn't be Kuwait but for our long arm. Now they bite our hand. It's official: they're the France of the middle east.

No longer are we a country who seizes territory for the sake of conquest. That could change. Keep ticking us off and see what happens.
 

Can you still trust them?



Apparently dogs can speak human.

(CNN)

"It looks like dogs really do understand what we are trying to tell them, they are thinking about what we want, and they understand that we are trying to communicate," said Brian Hare of Harvard University, who authored one of the studies.


Ominous. I recall reading about how dogs have actually been influencing human evolution for about 14,000 years now.

Cohabitation with dogs would have improved the chances of survival for early humans, and given them a competitive advantage. There is no evidence that Neanderthals had dogs, which could explain why Neanderthals became extinct and not us. Taçon and his colleagues argue that living with dogs has had profound effects on human psychology, hunting practices, territoriality and social behaviour. They say that soon after wolves/dogs began to live with humans, we learnt to hunt big game in packs. This is a distinctive wolf behavioural trait and there is no evidence of it among pre-sapiens groups. It's also possible that humans learnt a bit about the nature of territory by watching wolves mark their territory with urine. The archaeological record shows that humans began to mark their territories with hand prints and stencils, grooves in rock and finger impressions in clay. Engraved and painted pictures became common about 40,000 years ago. These are different to the simple markings earlier humans made.


Wow. Could it be that the canines built the monoliths, too?

(Space.com)

Maybe you folks should re-examine your relationship with your so-called best friends. They could have a master plan or something.

Think of us bunnies as a safer alternative. We harbor no plans to take over the world.

(Okay: Australia and New Zealand, yes.)

Thursday, November 21, 2002
 

Bunny Posse in da House




(HBS)

You want to be starting something?
 

Can't Make This Stuff Up





Navy Seals Workout Challenge (1994)

Oh forgive me guys, but you did call this upon yourselves.
 

The Mother of all Navy Movies



Since today's entries have a naval theme, I thought we'd take a look at the best darn navy movie ever.



The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley - The Case of the United States Navy Adventure (1997)

Scared you for a second, didn't I. Don't worry: we're saving it for Saddam.
 

Bath-time so much fun.



Where else but in the US Navy can you sail around the world with all the pizza and ice cream you can eat? And they deserve it: because our Navy represents more than 53% of the world’s naval power, they can take on everybody else at the same time and win. You guys rock!

What I really admire about the Navy is its concern for the well being of its sailors. Because it’s not just about pizza and ice cream: it’s about DVD’s and toys, videogames and the girls of the Philippines (sorry, find your own link!).

Even the little touches are nice. Like when they put ships to sea, they make sure the sailors have enough rubber duckies. How sweet.



(Pics via Globalsecurity.org)

The AN/SLQ-49 "Rubber Duck" Chaff Buoy Decoy System consists of inflatable radar-reflecting decoy buoys, to seduce radar-guided anti-shipping cruise missiles. Deployed in pairs connected by a 5-meter line, the decoys are effective for up to 3 hours in sea state 4. The AN/SLQ-49 "Rubber Duck" decoy simulates the radar cross section of ships, protecting against missile attack. The systems are stored ready for use on a warship's deck, and when required they are launched and become operational within seconds. They float on the sea surface and provide a strong radar return to seduce incoming radar guided missiles, presenting the missile with a far stronger and more attractive target than the warship.


Who knows what’s inside: a fresnel lens or a radio or something else? I don’t care: I bet when they set one of those off, it makes everybody laugh out loud.

Your basic sea-skimming anti-ship missile like Silkworm or Sunburn thinks he’s one macho hombre, who can’t wait to cut loose with his diablo fighting style. He’s so full of himself he practically swaggers like a movie villain. So when he sees a mark on the horizon, he rushes with blinding fury.

All it takes is one flick of the switch and:

(Eonline.com)
’Here I Yaãam!

"How can there be two Zorros?"

yank…swish

(imdb.com)
’Here I Yaãam!

"Now there are three Zorros. This is madness!"

Sproing...
(CigarAficionado.com)
’Here I Yaãam...
"Four Zorros? Aye Caramba! I give up."

See the world and work on your George Hamilton impressions. Talk about accelerating your life!
 

You too, Benny



Benny Irdi Nirenstein writes in the National Review Online:

I returned to Italy recently. What I find is frightening. Europeans no longer take for granted principles I came to understand in Israel. I assumed that anyone growing up in a democracy would understand that democracies are always superior to dictatorships. I never thought Italians who suffered so horribly during war and dictatorship would ever again find terrorism — the deliberate slaughter of civilians for political gain — acceptable. But increasingly they do. I can no longer speak about the importance of freedom, liberty, and democracy in Italy without attracting the condescending sneers of a generation schooled by Europe's media, statesmen, and left-wing intelligentsia to look beyond such "simplistic" concepts.

To my European classmates, any suggestion that there is a connection between Islam and terror — even as self-identified Islamic groups slaughter schoolchildren in Israel, tourists in Egypt, and revelers at a Bali nightclub — is more racist than Islamists' targeting of civilians because of their religion. European politicians — Jacques Chirac, for example, unabashedly honors Hezbollah's Shaikyh Nasrallah, the same man who last month suggested that he would welcome the return of all Jews to Israel "to save the trouble of hunting them down later."


Astonishing. Look how far the Europeans have gone astray. When did this start? Europeans are family and all, but they really need to clean up their act.

As for the Israelis, they're honorary Americans. Heck they can apply for statehood anytime they want.
 

Secret Plan



Looks like CNN fell for another internet hoax:

Young Americans may soon have to fight a war in Iraq, but most of them can't even find that country on a map, the National Geographic Society said Wednesday.

The society survey found that only about one in seven -- 13 percent -- of Americans between the age of 18 and 24, the prime age for military warriors, could find Iraq. The score was the same for Iran, an Iraqi neighbor.


A new low for television. Still, I'm glad all right-thinking Americans got the memo. When a snooty intellectual says something like: "You Americans, you think you can take over the world," the correct response is "oh really, where is it?" And when he says: "right now, in your arrogance of power, you are planning to take over the sovereign state of Iraq," you say: "Is that a country, because I couldn't even find it on a map."

There's a difference between ignorance and alibi.

70 percent cannot find New Jersey.


I was sick on bowling night, and missed the strategy session. Is there something you're not telling?

Wednesday, November 20, 2002
 

Archives



I can't get a handle on archives. You people deserve to get a look at the geeky-adolescent stage of this web log's development. You can get all the bunny pictures from the House Bunny Society, but what about the warmongery? As a stop-gap solution, I present my reviews of the Arsenal of Democracy:

Guantanamo Proposal
Bunny-influenced Stealth Aircraft
More Bunny Stealth
Operation Little Vittles
Tactical Infrared-Guided Pizza
Pegasus
CBU-97
Firefinder
Tacit Rainbow
AAAV
Shortstop
RIM-116 RAM
Stingray
Volcano

Slaver, you warmongers...
 

0.10 and Rising



Wednesday is hump day. Let's give the House Bunny Society's server a rest.



An old image yes, forgive me if you've seen it already. Any further posting will be wobbly and embarrasing.
 

Worst. Film. Ever?



Because this page is so picture heavy (poor dialups!), tonight I offer a different kind of movie review. Let's look at the worst movie ever made.

You're thinking: Anna that's too subjective. Besides, I'm still waiting for you to talk about Jerry Lewis. You haven't said anything about him yet. All the other web log writers have.

Maybe we can kill two birds with one stone. What's the worst movie ever made? It's fair to say that films are rated in degrees of badness by audiences. But what if a film were so bad, not even the people who paid to make it wanted to watch it? Surely that's the worst film of all time. But what combination of ingredients could make a film that bad? Let's try:

1. Nazis,
2. Comedy,
3. Clowns leading children in pied-piper fashion to their doom,
4. Jerry Lewis acting, and
6. Jerry Lewis directing.

Surely no film possesses all five! Such a film would be too bad for mere mortals to witness. Apparently the producers thought so too. And that is why you have never seen The Day the Clown Cried.


(Pic via Subcin)

The best I can offer you is a sight-unseen review and draft of the script. By the way, the script-hosters promise a final draft come new years. Visit their site every day (like I do), and refresh the page a couple dozen times. Maybe they'll hurry up and post it.
 

The Mother of All Jiffy-Pops



All good warmongers love mines. They drive the lefties batty. And after a hard day of sowing ‘em, nothing's funnier than the things that go boom in the night. It’s just the hard day we could do without, right?

What if there were a way to setup a minefield in no time at all? In fact there is a system for setting up insta-minefields, and our beloved Army calls it Volcano.


(Pic via Globalsecurity.org

The Volcano Mine Dispenser provides soldiers with a scatterable mine capability delivered by helicopter or ground vehicle. The Volcano dispenser contains 960 anti-tank/anti-personnel mines and is capable of rapidly laying a minefield 1100 meters long by 120 meters wide. In addition, the mines have a timed self-destruct capability.


Did he say helicopter? You know what that means!

From now on, anyone who tries to take us on should be on notice: you will have to fight while totally surrounded. We can’t be everywhere, but our flying mine dispensers can. Here’s how it looks on a map:



Since JSTARS can tell us where the enemy is, we can have him all lassoed up in no time at all. Now all we have to do is make sure we apply the proper SPF lotion, and make darn sure the beer doesn’t run out.



Like roping cattle, Volcano is another feature of our American simplisme.

Tuesday, November 19, 2002
 

Remember, he’s done this before



I have this nagging feeling that someone is putting one over on us. When I read that James Coburn Derek Flint died, I was sad. Then I remembered how he snuck onto evil-mad-scientist-cabal Galaxy’s secret island fortress: by faking his own death

This post continued on the Bad Movie Shrine
 

You could even say it glows



Battlefield lasers have been getting a lot of attention lately. Whether they’re designating aim points for Paveways or shooting down artillery shells, people just can’t seem to get enough of lasers.

There is one laser you don’t hear much about in the news, for a very good reason: it scares the press silly.

Nowadays on a battlefield, you can’t swing a cat without hitting someone from CNN or BBC or whatever. They’re always getting in the way with their bright lights and cameras at night. They’re practically bullet magnets. Plus they like to take pictures of things they shouldn’t, and get downright obstreperous if you tell them to stop.




Now that’s just ugly and it makes us look bad on TV (big no no). Fortunately, some bright minds at Lockheed Martin shifted the paradigm by asking: why hold the cameraman at risk – why not the camera?

Meet Stingray:


(Pic via Globalsecurity.org)

The Stingray, which can be employed on the
battlefield as an adjunct direct-fire system
mounted on the Bradley Fighting Vehicle [CFV and
BFV], is a prototype combat protection system
under development to enhance survivability
against enemy optical devices.
The Stingray can counter multiple ground and
aerial weapons under almost all battlefield
conditions by detecting and jamming enemy
optical sighting systems before the weapons can
be fired. The Stingray provides a low energy
countermeasure to disrupt the threat fire control
systems and provide enhanced survivability for the
host vehicle.


Oh sure, they have to say enemy optical devices in public, but what is a camera if not an enemy optical sighting systems. This laser defends our beloved Army against Dan Rather, Geraldo Rivera and the rest.

FADE IN: FORT IRWIN (NTC) EXT. DAYTIME

MAJ Moody: Let's get the ground rules covered. We do not want you giving away our position. Do not film street signs or landmarks. Do not report our full names. And at night, when we say "TURN THAT LIGHT OFF," we mean it!

Reporter holding camera: But can we film things like street signs or landmarks?

MAJ Moody: (Sighs, looks off screen and draws his index finger across his throat)

CUT TO: POV REPORTER
From OFF SCREEN we hear a sizzling noise. The camera pulls back to reveal that the reporter is standing not far from a BRADLEY with a BOXY DEVICE on the TURRET that is the source of the humming. As the humming reaches climax, the BOXY DEVICE disgorges a BEAM OF LIGHT which strikes the REPORTER'S CAMERA. The CAMERA emits a WISP OF PALE SMOKE, like a FLAG OF TRUCE.

CUT TO: CLOSEUP, MAJ MOODY
MAJ Moody: No. Next question?



Amazing: a tank that can turn off cameras. What'll Lockheed think of next? This is the biggest breakthrough in press intimidation since the bayonet. And that’s why nobody has the courage to report it.
 

Environmentalists Defeat Navy


In a decisive legal battle, the Natural Resources Defense Council defeated the Navy’s plans for wide-scale testing of its new sonar.

Under an agreement reached on Friday between the Navy and the environmental groups, the Navy will be able to test the sonar for seven months in only one million square miles (2,6 million square km) in a northwestern section of the Pacific.


The NRDC claims the loud noises drive whales crazy. Is this true? Can someone who knows something about this subject – who does not have something at stake in the outcome here – comment on this?

In the beached whales that died, scientists found hemorrhaging near the brain and ear areas, which are injuries consistent with exposure to high-intensity loud noise, environmentalists said.


As if we should take the environmentalists at their word. They’re just people who use pictures of cute animals to get others to listen to them. They consider themselves so principled and pure that they are entitled to lie and distort – it’s for a good cause. That’s why I don’t trust ‘em.

However on the off chance they’re right, we should spend the money to make our sonar more deadly to the commies (or _________ (fill in blank)) and less deadly to the whales. Make them play Lee Greenwood or Barney’s Campfire Singalongs.
 

Confirmed



One celebrity who is definitely dead is Doris Wishman, (August 10, 2002) whose work I don’t know whether to admire. She pioneered a whole new way of making of independent films with gems like Nude on the Moon.




When I saw that on the shelf at Borders, I knew it was coming home with me. Now that's cheese upon which you can't put a price! (actually you can ~$12) Don’t expect a review here. (expect it here) Unless someone is willing to spot me a cracked Photoshop.
 

Two down, one to go





First Dr. Smith dies, then Derek Flint gives up the ghost. Given that these things come in threes, has anyone seen or heard from Moses lately?

Going to hades for that one, for sure...
 

Bottle-fed



Driven up the wall by her charges, a babysitter in Louisiana (natch’) passes out behind the wheel.

Linda Hebert, 40, of Picayune, Mississippi, was found slumped over the steering wheel Sunday and the car was still running, the St.Tammany Parish sheriff's office said. The children were not hurt.


Kids can be so cruel. I went to a classroom once for show-and-tell. Those kids were in my face in a heartbeat. They poked, they yanked, and they wielded carrot sticks like daggers at my throat. Lucky I didn’t bite their fingers, they were.

Hebert's blood-alcohol level registered 0.27 on a breath test, well over the 0.10 limit, the report said. Deputies said they had to use pepper spray when Hebert became "combative," and she remained jailed Monday.


A combative 0.27? You’re not trying hard enough! On a good day, I can manage a belligerent 0.31.

Monday, November 18, 2002
 

Sleepy Bunnies





(Pic via HBS)
 

The Mother of All Turkeys



So things haven't been going well this Thanksgiving. You don't simply want your guests to leave the room, you want them to go home. Good for you. Bring home one of the biggest turkeys in the history of motion pictures. A film so bad, your DVD player will never look at you with the respect to which you are ordinarily entitled. A film that made critics run screaming from the theater. A film that soured kids on Disney for a whole generation. It's Disney's first PG-rated film, and it's the first film to feature CGI. It's only 95 minutes long, but you'll swear it took years off your life. Yes, it's the worst of Seventies cinema, besting Star Trek: TMP by a nose: it's The Black Hole.

This post continues on the Bad Movie Shrine.
 

Bang in Japan



Lefties setting off bombs outside U.S. bases in Japan:

Two explosions were reported late Monday outside a U.S. military base near Tokyo, and a projectile launcher was found near the site, U.S. military officials and Japanese police said Tuesday.

Police suspected it was an attack and that leftist radicals may have been involved, according to Japan's Kyodo news service. No injuries or damage were reported, Kyodo said.


Are they challenging us to a contest? I'm placing my bets with the team with the most experience in bombing Japan.
 

Two up, one down



Talk about falling asleep at the switch:

An instructor pilot, the only other person on board, was concentrating on a steep turning maneuver when he heard a thump and saw the co-pilot's feet and legs leaving the airplane, Waller County Sheriff's Lt. John Kremmer told the Chronicle.


And you thought you were having a bad day?

The instructor pilot told investigators that both men were strapped in when the small trainer aircraft took off from the airport.


I'll hold off judgement until we hear both sides of the story.
 

Arsenal of Democracy Catalog, p. 5


Today I’d like to look at a small missile that says big things about us. Of course I’m talking about the RAM.


(Pic via GlobalSecurity.org)

What does it do? It shoots down enemy radar-guided anti-ship missiles. How does it work? By homing in on the bad missile’s radar emissions or heat signature. Why do we need it? Because RAM’s predecessor, Phalanx can’t destroy missiles like Sunburn far enough away from a ship to properly protect her.

(Pic via GlobalSecurity.org)

What’s so great about this missile? Well for starters, RAM stands for rolling airframe missile. It spins. So the next time some snooty intellectual is spouting off about “you Americans and the way you think war is like a football game, just pull RAM's trigger and show him a perfect spiral toss.

If he says “I meant to say you think war is like one of your movies,” just point out that the RAM works exactly like the homing bullets in the Michael Crichton/Tom Selleck opus Runaway.

If he says “You Yanks, you’re just a bunch of arrogant cowboys,” show him a picture of our SF storming Al-Qaeda wearing Yankees baseball caps. Then show him a picture of our shooters in Afghanistan charging on horseback and ask him “cowboy or Yankee, which is it?

If he keeps going on and won’t shut up, I think it’s O.K. to shoot him. Just make sure you hold the rifle in true American (2) fashion, and shoot the poor fellow gangsta style.

Try to forget RAM is a US/German project – they've caused enough trouble already!
 

Go Navy



Via CNN:

The Navy spy plane downed after colliding with a Chinese fighter jet last year has taken its first test flight, 16 months after it was shipped back to the United States in pieces.


Keep your ears open, and happy landings!


(Pic via FAS)

(Don't forget to change the license plate -- the chicoms probably wrote it down.)

Sunday, November 17, 2002
 

Party Time



Artillery shells are more effective if they explode above ground, rather than in the ground. Why bury the bomb (and waste half the blast and shrapnel) when you can explode it right over the enemy's head? Our enemies know this, and they put radar proximity fuses in their shells to achieve this goal. Well bully for them.

What to do about this? In Desert Storm the DoD issued some hasty Oscar Sierra RFP's for a nifty toy we should take some time to get to know. It's in service, and has been tested in places like Bosnia. It comes in several models from big to small, and in the future it's going to get much smaller. Let's take a look at SHORTSTOP.



(Pic via FAS)

The Shortstop Electronic Protection System (SEPS) is an RF Proximity Fuze counter measure. The Shortstop battlefield electronic countermeasures system is capable of prematurely detonating incoming artillery and mortar rounds. It counters the threat of RF Proximity Fuzed munitions by causing them to prefunction, to protect friendly ground troops, vehicles, structures, and other equipment under fire.
(Via FAS)


That's awesome. Remember, that with Firefinder we'll know who shot at us, and can pound back. With this little suitcase, the enemy's rolling barrages become impromptu 4th of July fireworks. In the future, we will identify enemy artillery by the harmless, fluffy gray clouds in the sky. We can break out the lawn-chairs and beer and enjoy the show.

DISSOLVE TO: EXT. IRAQ, NIGHT

(explosion)

CPL. SCHMUCKATELLI: Oh that was a good one.

CPL. UMPTIFRATZ: I liked the last one, it had those sparkly things

(offscreen: THUMP)

CPL. SCHMUCKATELLI: Here comes another...

TOGETHER: Whoa cool!


It gets better:

Reports of more than 5,000 live artillery and mortar round firings against Shortstop in tests at Yuma Proving Ground, Ariz., indicate that the system is 100 percent effective against selected weapons. The test rounds were fired singly and in barrages, with none reaching their intended target, test officials reported...In the near future, Shortstop will shrink in size, down to 25 pounds. Whittaker is currently under contract to build three new, smaller versions: manpack and vehicle units, as well as a stand-alone unit.
(Via FAS)


Man-portable! It's like walking around with personal force-fields. Star Trek here we come! Of course, it's probably incompatible with Tacit Rainbow but the Signal Corps can work out the details.

With the Walkman every soldier or marine has his own theme music. With Shortstop, every soldier or marine has his own lightshow. Who knew war rocked this hard?
 

Another Thanksgiving Rental



If you've taken my advice and rented a bunch of crowd pleasers like Spaceman, Six String Samurai and Black Tight Killers, you may have a problem making your guests get up and leave. Not to worry. Nothing clears a room faster than Space: 1999.

This post continues on the Bad Movie Shrine.

 

 
   
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