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...simply the strangest blog that exists.
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Letter from Gotham



 
 
Saturday, November 09, 2002
 

The sound of freedom



If Saddam can threaten us with his bad Whitney Houston impressions, we should answer the challenge. Just like in Apocalypse Now, we should send an air armada over Baghdad. But what to play? Eureka: you’re listening to it!

If it's not blaring from every American plane, tank, ship and walkman on D-Day, then the terrorists will have won!

UPDATE:
No, you're not listening to it. I took it down. It's here
And I want tanks blaring Alley Cat (right-click and save)
 

Key Hole



Does anybody know if the mighty USAF takes requests?

I've got some overhead imagery courtesy of .

Two-meter resolution and a lat/long reading of the point under the cursor.
(Link via Terraserver)

 

Fresh Air



On the weekends, I get to go outside, yay! I know what you’re thinking: Anna, it’s not safe, there are hawks and dogs and stuff outside. Well that’s true, but whenever people are around, I’m safe. Thank you people.

Besides, I felt even safer today because I was defended by good old USMC. I got some pictures, and here they are.



I tried to call over to them, but they were having some kind of ceremony.



When they started shooting their rifles, I decided to leave. A bunny on the business side of a rifle-barrel is a sad bunny.



Anyway, nothing’s better than a nice, sunny fall day. Give me a gentle breeze and I’ll stick my nose in it.



I also got to smell a chair. Yeehaw!



It’s best to enjoy running through the grass, while the weather still permits.



If you can take your eyes off me, I’d like to point out the Washington Monument. Odd choice of a monument for a man who had no children.



At the base of the Netherlands (20) Carillon are a pair of lions I don’t find particularly threatening because they are long dead.



Across the river you can see the distinctive skyline of Washington DC. Being so close to the seat of the American (2) government can instill a feeling of reverence.



So I spent the afternoon in quiet contemplation.



That’s enough for now. I also take requests. If you want a picture of me in front of the Pentagon, or chewing up a photograph of Osama bin Laden, feel free to comment.

Friday, November 08, 2002
 

Sloth



Just maxin' relaxin' col' chillin' in the crib.



Domestic servitude is bliss. Because we bunnies live so close to death, we love these secure, peaceful moments of life. Thank you, America (2).
 

Space Movies



Nothing’s funner than watching a good old-fashioned B-level space movie. You know the type, the ones with at least 3 of the following scenes:

-long pseudo-scientific discussion of the intricacies of the rocketship,
-poignant farewells a moment or two before blast-off,
-crew disoriented as they initially encounter weightlessness,
-meteors, loads of meteors,
-cheap-looking novelties discovered while exploring a Hollywood set,
-obligatory consumables crisis,
-monster implied but unseen until the last fifteen minutes, and
-heroic struggle to return to Earth.

Imagine if there were a website devoted to the genre?
 

Pegasus



There’s a cliché in movies, in which the protagonist presents a challenge to a new character. Said character proceeds to stand up, revealing himself to be a foot or more taller than the protagonist. We’ve all seen this bit hundreds of times, but it got me to thinking: this is what our magnificent Navy needs.

Well blow me down, our magnificent Navy had a bunch of such ships, but threw them away.


(Picture courtesy of Global Security.org)

We still have the blueprints for these boats, right? And nowadays, we could put giant laser-beams on them? Oops, I meant giant laser-beams, (ignore the first link). They’d make a great Persian Gulf Rat Patrol (either that or Mchale’s Navy (warning sound)). Wouldn’t it be cool to build some new ones and find out?
 

Laughter, the best weapon in the Arsenal of Democracy



News from Iran (paging Pejman)

Iranian police are looking for a phony sorcerer who conned a man into believing he was invisible and could rob banks, the Jam-e Jam newspaper said Thursday.


And who names a town Jam-e Jam? How about Dell-e Dell? Phone-e Phone? Sledge-e Sledge?

Link via Best of the Web
 

TV



Although you wouldn’t know by looking, sometimes even I tire of warmongering. Let’s talk about our favorite shows. Anyone for Star Trek, raise your hands. Will all those with their hands raised please leave the room?

Only one show befits a bunny as belligerent as me. A show about a cop who plays by his own rules… a man who shoots to kill, but is confident enough to show his wildly inaccurate side… a cop who won’t eat donuts because “donuts have fat which clogs arteries, makes people turn liberal, play Barry Manilow, and vote for gun control." A man for all seasons, really. Of course by now you know I’m talkin’ ‘bout Sledgehammer


(Pic courtesy of the Sledgehammer Arsenal)

Who can forget the time Sledge had to go undercover in prison? During a clandestine meeting with his partner, Dorreau, he opines:

I can’t believe how they coddle these prisoners. Dorreau, did you know they even feed them!


All that show needed was a pow-chickie-pow-pow soundtrack like Shaft, and it would have been the perfect serious television crime drama. Alas, it is gone forever.

Or is it?

UPDATE:

...considering whether you people deserve to read my sledge fan-fiction.
 

Stick



CNN: U.N. (90) to Iraq (152): Disarm

Why are we still using the carrot on this guy?

There are two types of states: those who govern with power derived from the consent of the governed, and those who do not. States have two types of armed forces: those with the business end of the barrel pointed out and those with it pointed in.

A state with a non-consensual government, occupied by its own army is not legitimate. People in these states are miserable compared against states at the other end of the spectrum. Free people live longer, talk louder and spit further than the un-free (nod to PJ).

If it is not the burden of free states to liberate the un-free, it should be.

(mmmm...carrot)

Thursday, November 07, 2002
 

Sterner stuff



I received a communication from someone living in a bad place. While the web affords us anonymity, I decline to identify him/her. A discourtesy to be sure, but his/her web log leaves me awestruck. Some of us post under pseudonyms to keep our resumes in circulation. Some of us post anonymously because predators rule day and night. This guy/gal boldly posts from the heart of a brutal dictatorship. Every time this person posts, he/she risks his/her life. For an example of the bad consequences:

In Iran (100), they stoned a lady to death for acting in a pornographic film.


She was identified from the partial serial number of an electricity meter displayed on film. Now she is dead. Who is brave enough to speak his/her mind against consequences which might include death? For all my war-mongering bluster, I cannot say yea.

The person about whom I write is not from Iran (100), but from somewhere close by. Help is coming.

Please keep your head down, and please keep a journal of what you see. God bless you and here’s hoping you will be a free citizen in a country with a government who exercises power derived from the consent of the governed.

Liberating oppressed countries is the American (2) raison dêtre. Let’s hope the liberation is sooner, not later. My paws are crossed in the hope you will live free.
 
Michele at A Small Victory writes:

I'm opening up the phone lines today, kids. Come up with a pro-invasion or anti-loony left "poems, dittis, songs and lyrics, slogans and captions, so on and so forth," and I promise to go post them over at the Indymedia thread, and depending on how many poems, ditties, etc. I get, award a prize.


This one is circa 1990:
"All we are saying/
Is kick Hussein's ass."


A crowd of right-thinking Americans (2), singing with appropriate solemnity, can drive the lefties bonkers with this one. It’s their high ground. Occupy it with pride.
 

Two of my favorite subjects



Cracked this tome today:



Carnage and Culture by Victor Davis Hanson

After just a few pages (and numerous customer reviews -- a fine way to crib for a book report) I think it’s a superb, honest account of why America (2) is the finest country to ever to grace the earth, and why she has such an extra-strong kung-fu grip.

I don’t think I’ve read a book quite like this one. In the preface the author disavows attempting to make a moral inquiry into whether states should fight. That they do is a fact of life, he says, and he looks at the factors that make a state strong or weak. I have half a dozen books by James Dunnigan of Strategypage.com fame. Mr. Dunnigan considers human factors like morale and leadership, or quotidian factors like logistics, and he never gives short shrift to the instruments of battle. I like reading books by Mr. Dunnigan.

Mr. Hanson considers the question of fighting lethality by looking at the part of the country that doesn’t participate in the fighting. Seems to me that’s the last place to look, but Mr. Hanson sounds really persuasive when he says that citizen soldiers (with a stake in what they are defending) kept honest by civilian audit, having access to the output of free-thinking universities and well-funded by the fruits of the free market are bound to have a big leg up over some gold-braided warlord and his fractious armed rabble.

When put that way, it seems obvious. No one can stop us, except ourselves.
 

Never underestimate the power of vodka



Thank you, Stephen Green for the kind words. I can't claim credit for coining "freedom lowrider;" I'm sure someone said it before, and it does conjure a lasting image.

New visitors, on-site pictures are hosted by Netscape and are thusly unreliable. If you reload the pictures (or better yet, the whole page *smarm*), they'll eventually display. When I can find a reliable free hoster who lets users link directly to images, I'll deluge you with my fluffy visage.

UPDATE:
Found the freedom lowrider.

Go in fast, leave the safeties on, give’em the blinding power of American sunshine. -- Archie Gates, Three Kings
 

Friends to the stars



Michael Medved writes:

Once upon a time, celebrities attempted to avoid controversy. Even those who campaigned for political candidates (Jimmy Stewart for Republicans; his friend, Henry Fonda, for Democrats) made a point of avoiding insult or offense to the adherents of the opposition party. That's certainly the tack taken by the most visible Republican in show business today, Arnold Schwarzenegger, who is not only married to a Kennedy (Maria Shriver), but also worked prominently with Democrats on his California ballot initiative to fund after-school programs.


And who was Jimmy Stewart’s best friend? A bunny.
Just trying to build up a little conservative cred. Everyone seems to think pet bunnies are supposed to be condo pinks.
 

No, make a sequel



A discussion about how to remake the best giant bunny monster movie. A fine idea, but I've always thought the ending was a bit of a downer.
 

Multitasking



I’ve read some grumbling and thoughtful introspection about whether we have bitten off more bad guys than we can chew. For example, from Strategy Page:

With North Korea [(205), ed.] admitting it was still producing nuclear weapons, and saying, in effect, “so what,” leaves many wondering if America might be stretched a bit too thin. What with the hunt for al Qaeda terrorists world wide and a coming invasion of Iraq [(152), ed.], adding a war in Korea seems a bit much.


No it doesn’t. The mighty USAF is throwing away all kinds of useful stuff we could use to solve the North Korean (205) Problem:


With the end of the Cold War, the US [(2), ed.] has begun to revise its strategic policy, and has agreed to eliminate the multiple re-entry vehicle Peacekeeper ICBMs by the year 2003 as part of the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty II.



It’s use’em or lose’em and the clock is ticking. All right-thinking Americans (2) should line up behind Frank J, who has a plan to sell the South Koreans some valuable beachfront property.

And thanks to modern technology, we can bring you the last thing the Dear Leader will ever see. (ed. note: Makes an excellent wallpaper for your office PC.)


We’d still have another forty-nine. Plus whatever could be cobbled together from spare parts. Readers: please consult the following map and list your targets in the comments. Remember: each Peacekeeper carries only ten warheads, so you are limited to 490.
 

Innovation



The Philippines (129) once had the privilege of being part of the United States (2). Therefore I announce with a mixture of pride and awe their latest military innovation: tourists.

(via CNN)

Philippines tourism fighting back


Let’s not forget that the Philippines (129) are also the inventors of the latest in anti-terrorist intelligence gathering: the Tactical Infrared-tracked Pizza (TIP) (via LGF)

An American unmanned aerial drone followed the thermal image of a delivery of hot pizzas as they were carried by boat from the harbour of Zamboanga to the small coastal village of Sibuco, near Sabaya's base.
Colonel Juancho Sabban, who led the search, said: "We had to make sure the pizza was hot. Otherwise, we would have lost the trail."


Lastly, let us recall that it was in the Philippines (129) where Pershing did his ground-breaking research into Muslim Terrorist Burial Procedures. (via NRO)

Ahh the Philippines, where a hot pizza means cold revenge. My kind of country.

Wednesday, November 06, 2002
 

Co-Habitation



Someone accused me of being anti-cat. Nonsense. My prejudices are well founded in Nature. Cats we can handle. Proof?

One false move and I speed dial Gen. LeMay. Know your place lowly feline.
 

LeMayPalooza




From the official organ of the commielibcommisar:

General Curtis LeMay led a colorful if extremely controversial career. From early on he argued that, "if you are going to use military force, then you ought to use overwhelming military force. Use too much and deliberately use too much... You'll save lives, not only your own, but the enemy's too."


Bomb them. For the children. Do it for Salam Pax

Bomb them and then drive the Big Bus through their capitol whilst distributing Hershey Bars.

It’s the American Way.

 

Truman



Utility-minded Ductape88 writes:

So, that got me thinking, what if the White House got shut down while they worked on it. But then I realized that Bush spends about as much time as he does at his ranch in Texas as he does in the Oval Office. As a result, I have spent all my time since last Friday thinking about this. So without further ado my weekend and Monday work…


The last time we kicked a sitting President out of the White House, he just moved into Blair House and kept on Presidenting. Distracted, he forgot to drop the big one on North Korea. I think you can see why renovating the White House is counter-productive.

More than ever, we need you General Curtis LeMay.

 

Fallen



News of Winona Ryder’s conviction got me to thinking about Oscar nominations. Quite a few of us rage against the injustice dealt DeForest Kelley and his magnum opus.
 

Liberation



When I was little, I used to love to play in the pachysandra. One day I spotted a terrible thing: scaly, dark green and cold. Its coils radiated menace. It lay motionless, but I had no doubt it could lash out and devour anything that got too close. And I was too close for sure. So I leapt into the air; when I touched down I zig-zagged as fast as possible. We don’t have vision in stereo, and on the run we don’t judge distance well. I bonked into trees and rocks, but didn’t feel the pain. My only thought was escape from that reptilian horror.

Turns out I was running from a garden hose.

No matter. I’m pleased to announce that our beloved Army has declared war on the snakes. About time. And when our beloved Army is done, I hope it turns on the hawks and dogs. Only then can the bunnies of the world unite and spam our way to global domination!

Tuesday, November 05, 2002
 

Election


Looks like the USA (2) will be more Republican in the future. Nocturnal predators notwithstanding, I’m sitting pretty.



More tomorrow.
 

More Stealth



I omitted a couple of things from the list of Harvey’s progeny.

Comanche
Helicopters are already pretty stealthy when they hide behind hills and trees. I’m not sure why the Army needed to build a stealthy one. Except maybe to show off, which is good enough reason for me.

Sea Shadow
A boat stealthier than the surrounding waves, which made it stand out by not being there. Let’s assume Lockheed’s figured out how to solve the problem of being too stealthy. By the way, they steered the boat using Microsoft Ship.

Why bring this stuff up again? Because it is neat, and I find comfort knowing that all the major American armament manufacturers have taken at least one shot at building and testing a stealthy vehicle. Some of them now have lots of practice. All have had the chance to make the inevitable mistakes of the novice (like me on this web log), and to learn from those mistakes.

I see Saab has drawn up plans for a stealthy UAV, and Dassault is claiming their new AVE prototype has the RCS of a small Parisian bird.

That's a relief. I was wondering how wide was the gap. I'd say twenty years and growing.

 

Score



The revolution will have its own theme music.

 

Sick Day



This should warm the heart of any self-respecting war-monger: Iraq (152), North Korea (205), Russia (83) and France (19) have smallpox.

The fears that smallpox, declared eradicated in 1980, could again be loose on the world have driven the Bush administration to consider vaccinations for the American populace and to prepare emergency plans should an outbreak be detected.


I say we wait a couple of weeks, spray the now-empty countries with disinfectant and plant the flag. Don’t tell me they didn’t know that playing smallpox might be dangerous.

Monday, November 04, 2002
 

Wild Blue Bunny Yonder



I like airplanes. Sure, they’re loud and look like hawks. Having flown in a few, I can report that everyone inside is really friendly and they make a big fuss over you if you are a bunny.

Stealthy airplanes I like even better because they try to be quiet and hide most of the time. That’s what bunnies do, and it’s nice to see an organization like the mighty USAF respects the skills.

You probably didn’t hear it here first, but I’m pleased to report the announcement of a new, American stealthy airplane. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the Bird of Prey.

Leave aside the blatant slur against bunnies. I agree it looks wicked, but it’s just a test airplane -- probably the dem/val article for a forthcoming unmanned airplane. A pity we can’t use it to scare the bad guys and make them back down. Or can we?

Building a stealthy airplane requires that you successfully complete (at a minimum) the following tasks:
1. Develop a theory to predict the behavior of electromagnetic radiation.
2. Use your theory to design a stealthy flyable shape.
3. Test your shape against radar gear and vindicate both the theory and the shape.
4. Extrapolate from the shape a flyable prototype airplane.
5. Test the prototype on a full-scale RCS range.
6. Fly the prototype over and over without crashing it.
7. Refine the prototype into the airplane’s finished form. Add bomb bays and stuff. Build and test it.
8. Propose a bid to the buyer that is a) stealthy and b) economically competitive with other bids.
9. Figure out how to manufacture and deliver the aircraft on time.
10. Test the finished product in the real world, and demonstrate that you have lived up to your promises.

Did I leave something out? Or paint the strokes too broadly? It’s a free web log and we can talk about IR/UV RAM or LPIR another day. It’s worth stressing that theories and designs are nice, but until you cut metal and place it into the path of the beam, you have only a set of pretty doodles.

Doodles aside, let’s look at some of the stealthy airplanes America has tossed into the air and recovered safely. I am a stealthy bunny. I feel eminently qualified to talk about things classified low-observable. With the help of revisionist history, let’s take a look:

1. The A-12/SR-71 Oxcart.
The bears tracked the U-2 from its first flight. President Eisenhower is said to have replied: “That’s a nice plane, but I want one that is both invisible and invulnerable.” Lockheed said “How about first thing Monday?” By their eleventh try they had a plane that was invulnerable by dint of speed, but they still hadn’t cracked the whole invisible problem. On design 12, they flattened the bottom by adding chines (you know them as LERX) and packed the crevices with RAM. It was kinda-sorta invisible if you looked at the nose. Not bad when you consider that they did it in the sixties when everybody was whacked out on tranquilizers and their hair kept falling under the slide rule. Plus their computers could only play Pong. They built a couple dozen A-12s for the CIA and a similar number for the mighty USAF -- who had to be all different and call theirs the SR-71.

2. The D-21 Tagboard
The guys at Lockheed said “yeah our plane is Sierra Hotel and all, but what if we built a plane that was like a transforming robot or like Voltron. And what if when it flies over one target, at the last second it shoots part of itself over a totally different target? Wouldn’t that be groovy?” (They really talked like that -- amazing we won, come to think about it.) So they built a stealthy drone with a camera and practiced shooting it off the back of an A-12. That didn’t work out so good. The D-21 was stealthy, but it kept making the A-12 crash, so they stuck the D-21 under the wing of a B-52 and that worked OK. But it didn’t look as cool and the drone kept getting lost (remember: Pong).

3 and 4. AQM-91A Compass Arrow and YQM-94A Compass Cope
The Ryan boys built another stealthy drone to see what the Chi-Coms were up to. Stealth-wise it was pretty snazzy: engine hidden on top, sides tilted to bounce radar up into space, and slathered in RAM. Then Nixon tried to be all buddy-buddy with the Sino-Socialists while we were testing the drone, and we ended up putting it on a shelf. Ryan built the even-better Compass Cope as if to say “pretty-please can we spy on the Red Chinese?” Nixon said no, and I will never forgive him even if he died before I was born.

5. F-117 Nighthawk, Harvey, Have Blue, Senior Trend, XST
This is where the USAF finally took bunnies seriously. Having a plane with a stealthy nose was good and all, but the boys at DARPA looked at the so-called stealthy planes and said: “Not good enough. You see that bunny over there? We want bunny-level stealth. Take her back to the lab and listen to her closely. And clean her cage and give her treats. She‘s a national-security asset.” And to reinforce the point, they held a competition named Harvey (after an invisible relative of yours-truly). Northrop built a cat-stealthy model and got rejected. Lockheed listened closely and divined the bunny wisdom. They built a prototype they called Have Blue and then built the Senior Trend (you call it the F-117). And in a fit of sheer ingratitude, they dubbed the finished product the “Nighthawk.” I hate hawks -- owls too. I would have called it the “Super-sneaky Jet-Bunny With-Attitude,” but I didn’t pay for it. I don’t have to tell you the rest of the story, but let’s just say that when the going gets tough, the USAF cries havoc and lets slip the bunnies of war.

6. Tacit Blue
Not content to be bested by the bunnies at Lockheed, the guys at Northrop cried foul. “If a cat’s not good enough for you, how about a whale?” And they conned DARPA into paying good money for a plane everybody called “Shamu.” The mighty USAF said: “does this plane have the bunny inside?” When Northrop responded with a meek “no sir,” the USAF took their plane away. After three years and only 135 flights, the USAF stopped pretending and put the whale in a museum where it belongs.

7. B-2 Spirit, ATB
By this time, Northrop decided they finally had to turn to bunnies for the answer. With the help of a young buck named Spirit, they built a big’ol stealth bomber. Lockheed had it’s own bunny-bomber and the two duked it out in a competition so amazing it was immediately classified to a fare-thee-well. You know the competition as Aurora. By now, Lockheed’s bunny had gone Hollywood and soft, so the Northrop rabbit-raider won. Take the word of the Serbs and the Taleban, you don’t want to mess with this bunny.

8. ACM, AGM-129A
To finally wig out the bears, the mighty USAF needed a bunny-inspired robot nuke. General Dynamics picked up a couple rabbits and put them to work. You don’t hear much about the stealth cruise missile. You’re not supposed to. That’s stealth.

9 and 10. ATF, F-22, F-23
The ATF competition marked the point where the mighty USAF started taking bunnies for granted. They said: “you taught us to hide, but we want to hide and kick butt at the same time.” The bunny brain-trusts at Lockheed and Northrop did their best and built two amazing prototypes. The mighty USAF loved the planes but said “we can’t scare the bad guys if we name them ‘Thumper’ or ‘Hazel’ or ‘Bigwig.’” Then they named the winning plane after a raptor, as if big dumb dinosaurs knew anything about stealth. Who did they think taught bunnies how to be stealthy in the first place?

11 and 12. CALF, JSF, X-32, X-35
One day the mighty USAF said: “we want to do bunny-level stealth on a budget.” As if. The price of bunny-stealth is measured in millions of dead bunnies. The mighty USAF said “fine, be that way. We’ll ask the cows.” The Common Affordable Lightweight Fighter (CALF) died in a veal pen. The mighty USAF announced a new competition called JSF: Joint Strike Fighter (or, Just Stick with the Furry bunnies, to those in the know) and bought the X-32 and X-35. Lockheed, with their years of rabbit research, got the nod to build the winning F-35. It doesn’t yet have a name, but expect credit to be given where it is due.

13 and 14. RQ-4A Global Hawk, Dark Star
Both of these robot-shutterbugs made it out of the lab and into the air, proving that bunnies are quiet tourist shutterbugs. The mighty USAF continued its slur-campaign by buying the hawk. Don’t even get me started on the Predator.

15. X-45 UCAV
While this program is still a bunny-kitten, expect big things. Boeing wanted this plane to excel in three areas: a) bunny-level stealth, b) cheap as a pet-store bunny, and c) be autonomous, totally instinctual like a feral bunny. Think of this as a back-to-basics project.

In conclusion, I’d like to remark that the spitefully named Bird of Prey is (at a minimum) the sixteenth stealthy airplane the mighty USAF has built, tested and flown. As for the rest of the world, just listen to the crickets. There aren’t any. Let’s hope the mighty USAF finally acknowledges its debt to we lowly bunnies. By now it’s clear I should add to this web log a tip jar.
 

Nintendo vérité



Like bull's-eyeing womp rats in a T-sixteen back home.

The Hellfire missile was fired from a CIA drone, sources told CNN. Pentagon and U.S. intelligence officials refused to discuss the report.


Poor Yemen (217). Along with everything else, they've got flying death robots to fear. Now they know how bunnies feel when they see that hawk circling ominously overhead.

That led me to thinking: just how remote can the operator be? The CIA must be busy what with everything else on its plate. Do you think they could farm this operation out? Parts of this war will be push-button and I'm not to shabby at that.
 

More Schadenfreude


A lady from the United Kingdom (26) describes living in France (19):

Which brings us to chic. I now see that chic is not cool. It springs from rigid conformism and a bourgeois obsession with what the neighbours think. How I long to see badly dressed people. Taste suffocates creativity in many domains. French fashion (continuing influx of Brits and Yanks to overhaul flagging brands), TV (I challenge you to spot the differences between today’s schedules and those of 1980), food (rabbit is served with mustard, ask for anything else and you’re a deviant; it’s defending old habits to the hilt that keeps the food so good here), films (they may be state-funded but most are identikit love-triangle dramas). This last point convinces me, though I am loath to admit it, that subsidised art is not necessarily the best. Similarly, English researchers are between three and ten times more productive than French researchers in terms of work produced and patents registered, on less than half the budget.


My thoughts:
1. Redlines a’plenty when you paste it into Word. I suppose things are bad in the UK (26), and they can’t afford spell-checkers.

2. Look for more of this as they fight to get to the front of the passenger car while we unhook the engine and ride off into the sunset (just like cowboys, no?).

3. We shall deluge the rabbit-eating French (19) in their own mustard, and laugh as they try to lick it off and not give them a glass of water.
 

America Almost Number One



The CIA World Factbook is always good for a bit of schadenfreude. The CIA isn't rude enough to rank countries by richness, but I am. Below is a table of how green the other side's grass is.
A couple of thoughts:

1. Today the World (90); tomorrow Luxembourg (1)!

2. The rest of European heavyweights (not you Switzerland or Norway) don't even make the top ten. You have official permission to regard them as our poorer cousins.

3. We should include a country's rank in our usual correspondence. Watch this:
What do you think of the investment potential of Djbouti (190)?
Your blind date is from Latvia (89). Ah well, better than that last one from Paraguay (117)
That snooty Frenchman (19) should be more circumspect in the presence of Americans (2).


Helpful, isn't it? And now the awful truth:

Rank -- Country -- 2001 Purchasing Power Parity ($ equ.)

1 Luxembourg 36400
2 United States 36200
3 Bermuda 33000
4 San Marino 32000
5 Switzerland 28600
6 Aruba 28000
7 Norway 27700
8 Monaco 27000
9 Singapore 26500
10 Denmark 25500
11 Hong Kong 25400
12 Belgium 25300
13 Austria 25000
14 Japan 24900
15 Canada 24800
16 Iceland 24800
17 Jersey 24800
18 Cayman Islands 24500
19 France 24400
20 Netherlands 24400
21 Germany 23400
22 Australia 23200
23 Liechtenstein 23000
24 Finland 22900
25 United Arab Emirates 22800
26 United Kingdom 22800
27 Sweden 22200
28 Italy 22100
29 Ireland 21600
30 Guam 21000
31 Qatar 20300
32 Faroe Islands 20000
33 Greenland 20000
34 Guernsey 20000
35 Falkland Islands 19000
36 Israel 18900
37 "Man, Isle of" 18800
38 Andorra 18000
39 Spain 18000
40 New Zealand 17700
41 Brunei 17600
42 Gibraltar 17500
43 Macau 17500
44 Taiwan 17400
45 Greece 17200
46 "Korea, South" 16100
47 British Virgin Islands 16000
48 Bahrain 15900
49 Portugal 15800
50 "Bahamas, The" 15000
51 Kuwait 15000
52 New Caledonia 15000
53 Virgin Islands 15000
54 Barbados 14500
55 Malta 14300
56 Argentina 12900
57 Czech Republic 12900
58 Northern Mariana Islands 12500
59 Slovenia 12000
60 Netherlands Antilles 11400
61 Hungary 11200
62 Martinique 11000
63 Saint Pierre and Miquelon 11000
64 French Polynesia 10800
65 Saudi Arabia 10500
66 Mauritius 10400
67 Malaysia 10300
68 Slovakia 10200
69 Chile 10100
70 Estonia 10000
71 Puerto Rico 10000
72 Trinidad and Tobago 9500
73 Uruguay 9300
74 Mexico 9100
75 Guadeloupe 9000
76 Libya 8900
77 Poland 8500
78 South Africa 8500
79 Anguilla 8200
80 Antigua and Barbuda 8200
81 American Samoa 8000
82 Oman 7700
83 Russia 7700
84 Seychelles 7700
85 Belarus 7500
86 Fiji 7300
87 Lithuania 7300
88 Turks and Caicos 7300
89 Latvia 7200
90 World 7200
91 Palau 7100
92 Saint Kitts and Nevis 7000
93 Turkey 6800
94 Costa Rica 6700
95 Thailand 6700
96 Botswana 6600
97 Brazil 6500
98 Tunisia 6500
99 Gabon 6300
100 Iran 6300
101 Bulgaria 6200
102 Colombia 6200
103 Venezuela 6200
104 French Guiana 6000
105 Panama 6000
106 Romania 5900
107 Croatia 5800
108 Dominican Republic 5700
109 Algeria 5500
110 Cook Islands 5000
111 Kazakhstan 5000
112 Lebanon 5000
113 Montserrat 5000
114 Nauru 5000
115 Guyana 4800
116 Reunion 4800
117 Paraguay 4750
118 Georgia 4600
119 Peru 4550
120 Saint Lucia 4500
121 Grenada 4400
122 "Macedonia, The FYR" 4400
123 Namibia 4300
124 Turkmenistan 4300
125 Dominica 4000
126 El Salvador 4000
127 Swaziland 4000
128 Ukraine 3850
129 Philippines 3800
130 Guatemala 3700
131 Jamaica 3700
132 China 3600
133 Egypt 3600
134 Jordan 3500
135 Morocco 3500
136 Suriname 3400
137 Sri Lanka 3250
138 Belize 3200
139 Samoa 3200
140 Syria 3100
141 Albania 3000
142 Armenia 3000
143 Azerbaijan 3000
144 Ecuador 2900
145 Indonesia 2900
146 Niue 2800
147 St Vincent + Grenadines 2800
148 Honduras 2700
149 Kyrgyzstan 2700
150 Nicaragua 2700
151 Bolivia 2600
152 Iraq 2500
153 Moldova 2500
154 Papua New Guinea 2500
155 Saint Helena 2500
156 Zimbabwe 2500
157 Lesotho 2400
158 Uzbekistan 2400
159 Yugoslavia 2300
160 India 2200
161 Tonga 2200
162 Equatorial Guinea 2000
163 Maldives 2000
164 Mauritania 2000
165 Micronesia 2000
166 Pakistan 2000
167 Solomon Islands 2000
168 Wallis and Futuna 2000
169 Vietnam 1950
170 Ghana 1900
171 Haiti 1800
172 Mongolia 1780
173 Bosnia+Herzegovina 1700
174 Cameroon 1700
175 Cape Verde 1700
176 Cent. African Rep. 1700
177 Cuba 1700
178 Laos 1700
179 Marshall Islands 1670
180 Cote d'Ivoire 1600
181 Senegal 1600
182 Bangladesh 1570
183B urma 1500
184 Kenya 1500
185 Togo 1500
186 West Bank 1500
187 Nepal 1360
188 Cambodia 1300
189 Djibouti 1300
190 Guinea 1300
191 Vanuatu 1300
192 Tajikistan 1140
193 Bhutan 1100
194 Congo (Rep) 1100
195 "Gambia, The" 1100
196 Liberia 1100
197 Sao Tome+Principe 1100
198 Tuvalu 1100
199 Uganda 1100
200 Benin 1030
201 Angola 1000
202 Burkina Faso 1000
203 Chad 1000
204 Gaza Strip 1000
205 "Korea, North" 1000
206 Mozambique 1000
207 Niger 1000
208 Sudan 1000
209 Tokelau 1000
210 Nigeria 950
211 Malawi 900
212 Rwanda 900
213 Zambia 880
214 Guinea-Bissau 850
215 Kiribati 850
216 Mali 850
217 Yemen 820
218 Afghanistan 800
219 Madagascar 800
220 Burundi 720
221 Comoros 720
222 Eritrea 710
223 Tanzania 710
224 Congo 600
225 Ethiopia 600
226 Mayotte 600
227 Somalia 600
228 Sierra Leone 510
 

Temper Temper



In the news: Wisconsin Cops Quell Halloween Party Riot.

The idiots! What makes them think they have license to stage nonsense. Just because you can chuck that rock through a window doesn’t mean you should. That cop over there has a pistol and he can shoot you dead. You can hardly argue in favor of restraint, can you?



In Maryland, snot nosed college punks feel entitled to riot at least once a basketball season:

Kent State University sociology professor Jerry M. Lewis said there's a pattern to the riots.
"Unhappily, it's become automatic now. It's what we call a 'celebratory riot,'" he said.


College Park? That’s only a dozen or so Metro stops away from me. How am I supposed to defend myself against a mob of beer-fueled super ape-predators?

Thinking about how best to put down a riot:

Use guns
Pro: cops already have training, and the shot students won’t ever riot again.

Con: cops don’t carry enough bullets to be 100% effective, and the families of college kids tend to be litigious.

Conclusion: No to guns.


Use tranquilizer darts
Pro: Less likelihood of lawsuits, plus college kids are already tranquilizing themselves.

Con: No cons.

Conclusion: yes to tranquilizer darts.


Use butterfly nets
Pro: Humiliation factor likely to have a deterrent effect.

Con: We know they have the potential to deploy pocket knives.

Conclusion: To a tranquilized college punk, a pocket knife is useless. Yes to butterfly nets.


Only the thin veneer of civility keeps pet bunnies like me out of the cooking pots. I take this issue personally. And right now, I’m seeing red!



UPDATE
I have considered tranquilizing the students before they attend the game. The problem of administering multiple tranquilizers over such a wide area and within such a short period of time is formidable. In the future, the University of Maryland will have no choice but to tranquilize the students during the game. The bears have special experience with solving this kind of problem. And their students don’t riot much lately.


Sunday, November 03, 2002
 

Reading List



What are you reading? I’m just finishing What’s So Great About America.



On the one paw, I think this is a fine book. Limousine liberals scoff at our success. The Eurotrash flick their teeth at our evident superiority. Third Worlders (God love ‘em) wish they could have a bite at our apple. Where else on Earth can people afford to keep Bunnies as pets rather than meat?

On the other paw, what’s up with this Rousseau nonsense? Are you people just a bunch of Just Do It folks? Has nobody read Lord of the Lies? I’m a prey animal and I know that you ape-predators are a heartbeat away from roasting me over the campfire. Rousseau argues for a return to a state of nature. Nature? Is that what you want? Follow your heart and I know you will turn evil. I think you should direct that energy into being all you can be.


 

Bona Fides



A few of you probably suspect someone else is writing this web log. When I drop clues about my true identity you wonder: does this rabbit really live near the Pentagon? Surely, she is actually an impostor living somewhere else. Fine.



My Metro farecard. You may apologize in the comments.

 

Damage



What happened to my comments? Guess you need one of those giant ape-brains to maintain a web log. So I’ll need a bit more time to figure it out. Oh yeah, pictures are there but for the grace of Netscape, so no promises.
 

Déjà vu





Catching up on my reading, I discovered we’ve recently been at war with Iraq. Cut me some slack: it happened before I was born. I think this is tremendous news. It means we can reuse all the old maps and stuff.

C’mon you recyclers: let’s give the Pentagon credit when it’s due.
 

Home on the Range





Taking a crack at Black Hawk Down wasn’t cricket. I love the US Military because it keeps bears away from where I live. Besides, I live near the Pentagon and I heard the noise of Flight 77. I wish the Green Machine much love, pointy teeth and sharp claws.

So I wanted to make it up, and thought: what better way than with a pithy suggestion?

The Department of Defense has two big problems it needs to address:
1. What to do with the terrorists it will release from their cages at Camp X-Ray
2. How to reclaim the world record for snipers.

Are you thinking what I’m thinking?




Cold you say? Tell me again how revenge is served?

 
Movie Review: Black Hawk Down

I didn’t actually see this movie, but it was on the DVD player while I was in the room. I feel qualified to comment.

Two hawks down; two paws up!



That’s two less for my feral cousins to worry about. Will they consider a sequel featuring dogs?

Oh, you mean it's not about hawks? Never mind...I will post something nice for the Rangers as soon as I finish cleaning my fur.

 
Pictures

You want to see pictures of me. Bunnies look cute. Of course, to birds and dogs we look delicious.

I like flattery as much as head-pats, so I spent a good bit of crepuscular time looking for a free web host. None of them appear to let users link directly to images.

The sun is up now, so the diurnal predators have back their vision. I must get underground and hide, maybe catch some sleep.

Hang on a second… I’m a pet bunny, living in blissful domestic servitude. No running for my life, no cringing at the sound of squawking death from above.

Living with people is awesome. When I go outside and see some hawk sitting on the branch looking at me, I think: “Try it pal, my big brother can beat up your big brother any day.” Plus he has a butterfly net. That’s like hawk kryptonite or something.

Anyway, old habits die hard -- especially in a creature driven as instinctually as a bunny. On my Outlook calendar, the whole middle of each day is reserved for staying indoors and snoozing. Behind two sets of locked doors, I can close my eyes and relax. And browse the internet. Bunnies are natural browsers.

While I’m sleeping, please feel free to suggest any free web hosts who might allow direct hyperlinks to images. I stress free because while all my needs are met and I could never want for anything, I don’t receive an allowance. And VISA only gives cards to dogs and the occasional cat.
 
Introduction

My name is Anna, and I am a pet bunny.
DOB: 2/14/2000
Weight: 5.2 lbs
Hair: Chocolate and White
Eyes: Brown
Measurements: 8-10-14
Breed: Dutch

Turn-on’s:
Slow-moving people with soft hands. Vegetables. Digging, scratching and biting. Rings of keys I can throw around.

Turn-off’s
Loud noises. Sudden movements. Birds and Dogs. Left-wingers.

 

 
   
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